Millennial Musings

I have an old Soul. I always have. From a very young age I knew my energy was different to other children. I sought meaning in people, objects and situations where others moved on superficially. A sentimentality which was alien to even to adults. I thought deeply of the “how’s” and “why’s” of life. I developed a sense of my own mortality in my early teens. My best friend at the age of 10, was thinking about her new pogo-stick, while I was contemplating what death would feel like. Of course, I did not voice my thoughts. I knew they would be viewed as strange, and more than likely I would end up with a diagnosis of some kind and medication to cure my old Soul. My old Soul’s wisdom knew to keep it’s age a secret.

We got on, my old Soul and I. I never resisted her or tried to rejuvenate her into something she was not. Until I got older myself. It seems society loves a go-getter, fast-paced, ambitious, energy-loaded individual. That was never me, but I tried for a while to dress my Soul in the disguise of youth. It seemed like the logical thing to do. She hated it, and so did I. Denial is a great short-term, but ultimately disastrous long-term coping strategy. My old Soul and I disconnected for a bit, and that is when my young Heart kicked in. Unknown to me, Heart and Soul were lovers. And like most lovers, the complete opposite of one another. They had been working in tandem all along. I was just not aware of young Heart until I got older. Heart was youthful and energetic. Heart was fun and chaos. The Ying to the Yang of Soul. From late adolescence and most of my 20’s, I had brought Heart to the forefront of any decision I made, and Soul took a back seat. I made some amazing choices with Heart. I went into a career I loved, I took a leap of faith with my husband, and I moved to a city I now call home. There are some decisions that require Heart to take the lead. I also made some terrible choices with Heart-impulsive and unwise. Decisions that soul would have been better suited to advise on. I forgot to give my young Heart a break, until she broke, and Soul sat dusty in the corner, not having been spoken to for a decade. I had broken my own Heart and Soul, and was myself broken.

People underestimate the power of silence. And they underestimate the power of stillness. It is so easy to get washed away with the flurry of life’s roles and jobs. A weekend for rest can be spent rushing around doing chores and fun activities. Holidays are supposed to be break from life’s hustle and bustle but even those seem packed to the brim with a loaded itinerary. How many times have you gone on holiday, only needing a holiday when you get back? How many weekends have you lain on your couch absolutely exhausted at the end of it and definitely not ready for a Monday? How many times do we go into jobs and careers that sap our energy because that is the done thing and no one is supposed to like work anyway, right?

My old soul saw the situation I was in, and dusted herself off. After comforting broken young Heart, she came to the forefront. She told me to be still and silent. Do nothing. It felt uncomfortable to do so initially. but I obliged. I did not know what else to do anyway. To sit in silence with yourself can be hard, but my old Soul came back to life and comforted me through the initial discomfort of stillness. Never undermine the impact of rest. It is through the stillness and silence of doing nothing, that Heart and Soul re-connected. And I started to, once again, feel a youthful passion, with a wise awareness.

My Soul is old and my Heart is young. This union, this balance, keeps me balanced.